No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
