guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
