Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
