toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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