I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
