hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
