she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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