We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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