I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You've changed since you got that strap on
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
