Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
