just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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