my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
