His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
