Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
