I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Holy shit dude........stairs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
