jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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