i don't like sucking hair
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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