dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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