arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
