The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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