That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
