I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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