At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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