Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
