Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
