i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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