If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
