do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
