I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
