Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Umm I'm too high to move.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
