I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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