Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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