i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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