My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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