shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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