i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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