I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You were trust falling into bushes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
