is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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