i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
