If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
