her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
