as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
