If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
