fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
