I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
