i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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