she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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