im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
