there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
