Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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