omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
