Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
