You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
