i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
