She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
