The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
