he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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