So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
