Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
