Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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