i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
