its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
