He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
