mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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