I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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