Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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