i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he thought i was a dude.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
