walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
