Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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