well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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